Posts Tagged ‘nigerian’

Kogi Journalists Stripped – So What?

March 4, 2009

Does it really hurt that the Nigerian Union of Journalists is the only professional body that absorbs blundering journalists and mediocre writers? No, it doesn’t. Not even when its members are stripped or humiliated by government or individuals.
Let their headlines scream blue murder (as above). Nobody would
heed them – not even in Kogi – of all states in Nigeria – where a pack of state house correspondents were disgraced by a visiting banker 19th of February.
But …probably, the Human Rights Watch or some other number-
crunching groups might be interested just in the statistics – not in the calamity – of battered journalists under the nose of the rule-of-law-chanting Yar’ Adua in Nigeria.

For countless reasons, Nigerian journalists are out and away less than human beings. They’re cheap – dozens a penny – and unorganized. They’ve got no fat bank accounts like Reuben Abati’s, Osa Director’s, Bayo Onanuga’s – all top, Abuja-rich editors.
Bait them with brown envelopes, they’ll go to hell to cover anything – trivia like you shitting out your bowels, or pissing around your toilet, or your great grandson learning to call you daddy.
That’s a Nigerian journalist for you – beggarly, impoverished, frivolous, tame, and insecure.
That’s why Atiku – that hopeless turncoat – will slap the daylights out of them, and smash their grimy cameras. OBJ, too, will curse their grannies, and remind them of their unemployablity and grinding poverty.
Now tell me why a blinking CEO of one micro-finance bank wouldn’t crush their balls, in style, when he couldn’t find his Nokia phone after a press interview.

Ibrahim Idris was just trying to be too nice by allowing his savage yesmen to do the stripping. He could have done it better.
The banker also knows all that a typical Nigerian journalist has are ink and grammar – bad grammar mostly. Nothing to file a suit no matter how he, a cash machine, dehumanizes them. Even their toothless bulldog, the NUJ, can only bark in an angry headline and a couple of paragraphs forcing Idris to apologise only.

It’s high time these journalists knew that every idiot – politician, banker, jackboot, danfo-driver – is aware of their sorry status; that they’re incompetent, free-for-all, brown-envelope-driven, and disorganized.
And as such nobody respects and recognizes them as professional
persons or body that deserves much support when people bullshit them.

By the way,how much butt-kicking does the NUJ need to be as professional and respectable as the NBA, NMA? Or even as the NURTW?

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Dora Akuyili and her PR Gymnastics

February 10, 2009

P.R. Blunders
Auntie Dora feels positive thinking could be swapped for good public relations. Why, good p.r is way different from alchemistry or metaphysics.
It’s hopeless trying to make Nigerians feel good in darkness, hunger, poverty , insecurity, inequalities , joblessness and leadership blunders. No matter how many times we dust or kiss the national flag.

She won’t understand this, though . It will take her years of blundering , fumbling, and formal studies in the art of public relations – the Ivy Lee type – before she can function professionally as an image launderer.

Dicky Heart Of Africa
About the slogan, the Heart of Africa is sick. So good riddance! I suggest: the KIDNEY OF YAR’ ADUA. The logo should be a skeleton crumbling under the map of Abuja.Home-grown ,Isn’t it?
So we see how PRO(F) Akunyili will make Nigerians feel this mere geographical contraption is an El Dora do .

Bad Image is Bad Image
The first thing Madam should have done is come to grips with the bloody reality that her boss inherited a poison chalice – bad news, really – and should have, as an awesome p.r. woman she might never be, joined The Sun News and other alarmist
newspapers to scream it in the ears of the sickly president. That what? That Nigeria’s sick. That the situation’s terrible. That Nigerian can never have it worse.

Oh, Auntie Dora of short memory. She’s forgotten, so fast – now that she wines and dines with Yardie – how she used to shed tears – hot tears – for Nigerians in her NAFDAC days. She knew the terrible ways of Nigerians then. She knew how drugs affect women , children , politics, and economy. She knows now nothing
has changed till now except her portfolio – that she was made a
minister of a completely unfamiliar terrain – a propagandist – to sell a confused government to Nigerians and the CNN audience across the ponds.

Certainly, some automatons called Nigerians will tell us all is well.The likes of Daniel Kanu and other bearded zombies.
Remember “Youth Earnestly Asked for Abacha”?

On the whole, one thing is sure : calamity is the best teacher. Gambits like this, in the past, have taught Nigerians,the few real Nigerians, to ignore the charismatic gymnastics of
daydreamers like Madam Akuyili. Nigeria is only sellable when Nigerians are happy.
You can be sure not many serious-minded,breadwinning Nigerians
will find time to participate in the childish logo competition.Doesn’t she know the way of the Power Holding and the internet providers outside Abuja?

Between Face and Grammar

February 4, 2009

Still wondering there are certain grammatical blunders Naija media can’t help committing.
The airwaves are permanently clogged with those silly expressions cockily rapped by 80% of Nigerian broadcast journalists.
One of the most common is : …between you and I.
It hit me square in the jaw when Jumoke Alao of the AIT gracefully spewed out ‘ … the issues in Nollywood that affect you and I ‘ during ESCOOP,8.30am,last Monday.
It was an Africa-wide blunder.

Matter-of-factly, Jumoke is cute.She ranks well in the bevy of well stacked ladies that adorn the DAAR Communications screen. She’s got all the theatrics and seductive body language – great hips, come-hither looks, good skin, bulbs, and all – choreographed to distract the less critical viewers.
But that slip – that bad slip -rubbished her.
Your gut wrenches when a chic journalist like that spits out horrible grammar like she did.

Gone were the days when good journalism was all about creativity and flawless English.
What now qualify you as a female broadcast journalist are your looks, curves, arcs, and whatever coquettish eye contact you can make.
Speak English worse than Man Friday’s – no problem.

I know there are good broadcasters in the AIT :Williams Williams, Uche Unongo, Okechukwu Eze, Kunle Joe ,and a handful of others. See if you can compare these guys with that bumbling Kenny Ogungbe who hides his ugly grammar behind his charisma .He’s no longer in AIT,anyway.

These shameful grammatical slips not only deride the Nigerian media, they also expose the professional rust of the journalists.
It’s a lot easier to hypnotise the viewers with their cleavages – a psychological noise – so nobody hears their blunders.

Breezing through parts of speech and other rudiments of English on a weekend is no sacrifice too big for Jumoke and co. to make. It refreshes their knowledge of conjunctions and cases, and saves them this grammatical suicide. It could save her pretty face, too,from blushes that go with somersaulting into the airwaves.
It’s no picnic trying to strut or bluff your way out of such wreckage,you know.
Even your dumb mike feels the embarrassment, too.

I’d hope that DAARSAT isn’t blasting all this trash across the globe.